At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize