I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Randomize
