I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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