i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
