She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
