Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
