I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
