Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
ugly people sure do ruin things
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
