It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
