We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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