my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
