we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How naked do you want me to be?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
