I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
