I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
