My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
In America we eat man semen.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
