Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
