She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
