Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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