So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
A bitchslap is in order.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
