It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
