I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
