I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
