she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
