Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
