Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
