we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
