She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
