she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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