no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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