I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
