I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
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My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
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I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I enjoy the company of your penis
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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