You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize