i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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