It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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