i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
