Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
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jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
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i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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