Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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