Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
