mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
