yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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