she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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