someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
