used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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