and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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