do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
