in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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