Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize