Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Randomize
