If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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