wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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