When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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