Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
