my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize