He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
