saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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