areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
