Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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