smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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