Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
