okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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