I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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