when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
