im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
