I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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