Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
