ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
