he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
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My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
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I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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