Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
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He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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