you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
