somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
