we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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