I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You have to summon your inner elephant
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
