Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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