I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
