I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm way too hungover for life right now
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
