The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
