I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
