so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
