Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
