I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
