i was born a porn star she said
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Sober January is a disaster.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize