the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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