Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
