fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
