no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
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