just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
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you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
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This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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