I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
