walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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